Ask AI: Write me a long dark humourous birthday message to my brother

Happy Birthday, [Brother's Name]! Ah, another year older, another year closer to becoming the cat-loving, bathrobe-wearing, tinfoil-hat conspiracy theorist we both know you’re destined to be. Seriously though, I'm amazed you've managed to survive this long given your unparalleled talent for finding new and creative ways to injure yourself. I mean, if Olympic medals were awarded for ridiculous accidents, you’d be our family’s first gold medalist. Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake. Considering your eating habits, it's the only day of the year when consuming an entire cake in one sitting won’t get you judged… as much. Though, let's be honest, you’ll still manage to end up on some bizarre food documentary titled “Man Vs. Diabetes”. On this special day, reflect on all the glorious milestones you've achieved. Remember when you were so proud to finally have a beard, only for us to find out it was just a smudge of chocolate ice cream? Or that time you were convinced you could "totally drink all the alcohol in the house" and ended up passing out in the dog’s bed? That was classic. I don’t think the dog has quite recovered from the trauma. They say wisdom comes with age, but I guess you’re an exception to that rule. But hey, at least you’ve managed to maintain that youthful stupidity we all love you for. And speaking of stubbornness, I still can’t believe you haven't thrown out that hideous sweater grandma knitted for you. I get it; it’s a safety blanket for your fashion sense—or lack thereof. So, here's to you, my dear brother: the master of bad jokes, questionable life choices, and the only person I’d trust to make my life both chaotic and hilariously entertaining. May this year bring you marginally fewer injuries, slightly better decisions, and enough laughter to make up for all the tragic haircuts you've sported in the past. Happy Birthday! Just remember, age is just a number... a really big, daunting, unflattering number that everyone else pretends to be okay with. Cheers to you and your ongoing quest to prove that growing up is totally overrated! Love always, [Your Name]