Ask AI: Write me a funny and outrageous best man speech

Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed guests, and everyone who thought getting hammered on a Sunday would be a brilliant idea, I'd like to thank [Groom's Name] and [Bride's Name] for giving me the immense honor of being the best man today. Honestly, I've always wondered what it would be like to talk in front of everyone he loves most, and here we are. If I mess this up, remember: it's all his fault. Now, when [Groom's Name] asked me to be his best man, I was overwhelmed with emotions. I felt joy, pride, and a sinking feeling of dread when I realized I’d have to come up with a speech longer than a tweet. I've known [Groom's Name] for most of my life, and truth be told, I have always admired his unique ability to make decisions. By 'unique,' I mean he's usually bad at them. Remember when he decided to bleach his hair in college? He looked like a radioactive Q-tip. But let's be real, his decision-making skills have vastly improved since then. It took him, what, only seven years to propose to [Bride’s Name]? Actually, let's give him a hand for finally figuring out what we all knew from the first date—she’s way out of his league! Speaking of [Bride's Name], you look absolutely stunning today. [Groom’s Name], you… you look awake, which is a huge win for you! I've never seen him look so presentable. It’s amazing what a well-fitted tuxedo and a lot of pleading can achieve. One of my fondest memories of [Groom’s Name] is the time he decided he could totally handle drinking a whole bottle of tequila. Spoiler alert: he could not. He spent the night like a delicate Victorian lady, fainting on couches and declaring his eternal love for burritos. And wouldn’t you know it, that's also how he proposed! In all seriousness, though, [Bride’s Name] and [Groom’s Name] are the perfect match. [Bride’s Name] balances [Groom’s Name] in every way—she's organized, thoughtful, and punctual, whereas he… he tries really hard. You both bring out the best in each other, and it’s truly heartwarming to see. So, here’s to love, laughter, and a happily ever after. And here’s hoping [Groom's Name] doesn’t mess up too many more decisions—though if he does, at least they’ll be entertaining! Ladies and gentlemen, raise your glasses: to [Bride's Name] and [Groom's Name]—may your life together be less like his decision-making and more like his dance moves after a few drinks—surprisingly decent and enjoyable for everyone involved! Congratulations!