Wife Swap in Lingerie: The Gnarliness of Secret Government Programs
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I was half-asleep on the couch, nursing a bowl of cereal and wondering why on earth anyone would create an alarm clock that sounded like an apocalyptic stampede of raging elephants. As I fumbled for the remote, the phone rang. Reluctantly, I answered.
"Yo, Matt! Huge news, bro!" It was my best friend, Derek.
"What's up, Derek?" I grumbled, hoping this conversation wouldn't require more brain cells than I had budgeted for before my fourth cup of coffee.
"Man, you won't believe this. I got this letter today, says I was part of that Swapped at Birth program the government did secretly years ago!"
I sat up straighter, cereal bowl nearly tipping off my lap. "What? Is this another one of your jokes? Because the last time you said aliens were living in your sock drawer, you wasted three hours of my life."
"Nah, bro! This is no joke!" Derek's excitement was practically vibrating through the phone. "You remember your wife, Lisa, was born at the same hospital as me, right?"
"Yeah... so?"
"Well, dude, get this ā Lisa is actually me. I mean, I was swapped with her at birth. Technically, I'm in Lisa's body, enjoying these rad new curves!"
My jaw dropped. "You're telling me my wife is actually you? This doesn't even make sense, Derek!"
"Totally makes sense, bro. I mean, we were both part of that secret government swaperoo program. How gnarly is that?"
Before I could respond, I heard a loud crash from the bedroom followed by a high-pitched, yet unmistakably enthusiastic shout, "DUUUUDE! CHECK OUT THIS THONG!"
A second passed as I tried to process this new reality. Halfway to the bedroom, Derek (or Lisa, still not sure how these identities worked) waltzed out in a skimpy red lingerie set, twirling and admiring himself in the mirror we had by the doorframe.
"Derek, what are you doing?!"
"I call it 'Shopping My Assets,'" he said with a huge grin, "Like improving the draft, but with wardrobe, you know?"
āAnd why on earth are you calling me ādudeā and ābroā while prancing around in lingerie?ā
āSorry, man ā I mean, Iām trying to get the girl vibes. It's just so tubular seeing these curves in the mirror, look at 'em bounce. Iām having the time of my life!"
Despite all logic and personal sanity, I found myself nodding. "Yeah, okay. I get it. Awkward, but kinda funny. Is this a permanent thing?"
"Donāt even sweat it, man. Think about it! Youāve got a wife whoās into sports... and beer! And just wait until you see me at the gym. I mean, haven't you ever dreamed of a wife whoās bench pressing her body weight?"
I rubbed my temples. "And I take it you've already contacted the higher-ups about reversing this?"
"Oh yeah, they said they're looking into it. But in the meantime, we gotta brace the radical and ride the wave, bro! Canāt believe I get to bounce these boobs around the house."
"In a weird way, itās true," I said, my initial shock slowly being replaced by an odd acceptance. "It might be fun having a wife who knows all the sports stats and can neck a pint like a pro."
"Right?! Total win-win if you ask me."
As Derek/Lisa did another twirl, nearly toppling over in heels, I sighed and muttered, "Who knows? Maybe I'll even like my new... wife more than the old one."
From the couch, the TV blared with the tagline of an old buddy cop movie, but Derek's infectious enthusiasm stole the spotlight. I couldnāt help but laugh.
"You're completely insane, just remember to take out the trash and watch how you talk to the neighbors."
"Broski, I got you. Radical living, here we come!"
As I watched Derek try to strike a seductive pose, I realized that life had given us quite the script flip. Riding the waves of absurdity never seemed so hilarious.
This story was generated by user zach3 with assistance by one of OpenAIās large-scale language-generation model; prompts used to help generate the story are shown below.
Images were generated with OpenAI's AI system, DALLĀ·E 2, or uploaded by the user.
AI Prompts
Prompt: Write a story with lots of dialogue where The swapped a birth program was a secret program that the government made that swapped two peopleās bodies right after they were born. I never thought I would have to deal with it, but there when today I got the shocking news. My busty wife and my best friend had been born at the same hospital and had been placed in the program. My buddy is now in my wifeās body enjoying his new curves as he puts on lingerie in the mirror and flirts with himself in the mirror. My buddy doesnāt really know how to act wifely, yet he keeps calling me dude and bro. It is great to have a wife who loves sports, I also love having a wife who loves to bounce her boobs all over the house. I guess maybe at some point Iāll get used to it, who knows maybe I'll even like my new wife more. Give my friend a bro accent in his dialogue.
Response: I was half-asleep on the couch, nursing a bowl of cereal and wondering why on earth anyone would create an alarm clock that sounded like an apocalyptic stampede of raging elephants. As I fumbled for the remote, the phone rang. Reluctantly, I answered. "Yo, Matt! Huge news, bro!" It was my best friend, Derek. "What's up, Derek?" I grumbled, hoping this conversation wouldn't require more brain cells than I had budgeted for before my fourth cup of coffee. "Man, you won't believe this. I got this letter today, says I was part of that Swapped at Birth program the government did secretly years ago!" I sat up straighter, cereal bowl nearly tipping off my lap. "What? Is this another one of your jokes? Because the last time you said aliens were living in your sock drawer, you wasted three hours of my life." "Nah, bro! This is no joke!" Derek's excitement was practically vibrating through the phone. "You remember your wife, Lisa, was born at the same hospital as me, right?" "Yeah... so?" "Well, dude, get this ā Lisa is actually me. I mean, I was swapped with her at birth. Technically, I'm in Lisa's body, enjoying these rad new curves!" My jaw dropped. "You're telling me my wife is actually you? This doesn't even make sense, Derek!" "Totally makes sense, bro. I mean, we were both part of that secret government swaperoo program. How gnarly is that?" Before I could respond, I heard a loud crash from the bedroom followed by a high-pitched, yet unmistakably enthusiastic shout, "DUUUUDE! CHECK OUT THIS THONG!" A second passed as I tried to process this new reality. Halfway to the bedroom, Derek (or Lisa, still not sure how these identities worked) waltzed out in a skimpy red lingerie set, twirling and admiring himself in the mirror we had by the doorframe. "Derek, what are you doing?!" "I call it 'Shopping My Assets,'" he said with a huge grin, "Like improving the draft, but with wardrobe, you know?" āAnd why on earth are you calling me ādudeā and ābroā while prancing around in lingerie?ā āSorry, man ā I mean, Iām trying to get the girl vibes. It's just so tubular seeing these curves in the mirror, look at 'em bounce. Iām having the time of my life!" Despite all logic and personal sanity, I found myself nodding. "Yeah, okay. I get it. Awkward, but kinda funny. Is this a permanent thing?" "Donāt even sweat it, man. Think about it! Youāve got a wife whoās into sports... and beer! And just wait until you see me at the gym. I mean, haven't you ever dreamed of a wife whoās bench pressing her body weight?" I rubbed my temples. "And I take it you've already contacted the higher-ups about reversing this?" "Oh yeah, they said they're looking into it. But in the meantime, we gotta brace the radical and ride the wave, bro! Canāt believe I get to bounce these boobs around the house." "In a weird way, itās true," I said, my initial shock slowly being replaced by an odd acceptance. "It might be fun having a wife who knows all the sports stats and can neck a pint like a pro." "Right?! Total win-win if you ask me." As Derek/Lisa did another twirl, nearly toppling over in heels, I sighed and muttered, "Who knows? Maybe I'll even like my new... wife more than the old one." From the couch, the TV blared with the tagline of an old buddy cop movie, but Derek's infectious enthusiasm stole the spotlight. I couldnāt help but laugh. "You're completely insane, just remember to take out the trash and watch how you talk to the neighbors." "Broski, I got you. Radical living, here we come!" As I watched Derek try to strike a seductive pose, I realized that life had given us quite the script flip. Riding the waves of absurdity never seemed so hilarious.
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