"The Friday Night Revelation: Existential Pizza and Mom's Secret Identity"
0 Points
0
"You know, Tim, for a Friday night, this pizza tastes especially existential," I said, taking another bite and eyeballing the TV as it flickered through ESPN and soap operas.
Tim choked on his soda, coughing and laughing at the same time. "Existential pizza? You've lost it, Mike."
"It's Mom," I said succinctly, setting my slice down and staring at Tim with all the gravitas a 16-year-old boy could muster in a house that smelled of pepperoni and feet.
"Mom's pizza? Still confusing," Tim replied, wiping soda off his chin. "What's up with Mom?"
"You remember how you mentioned the other day that Mom's knowledge of Pittsburgh Steelers trivia is borderline encyclopedic?"
"Yeah?"
"And how she can outbelch Dad any day of the week?"
Tim nodded, still chewing.
"I found something out," I announced, feeling the weight of the world turning our living room into a melodramatic soap opera scene.
Tim slapped my arm, half-annoyed but fully curious. "Spill it, Sherlock!"
"Mom," I said, leaning forward for effect, "used to be a guy. A scientist guy named Dave."
Tim's jaw dropped, a pepperoni falling out of his mouth in stunned disbelief. "You're messing with me."
"I wish. I found this old lab report in the attic from NUGEN Labs," I explained, retrieving the weathered document from my pocket. "It’s all true. Mom, or Dave rather, was working on a gender-changing spray. Fell into a vat of the stuff and… boom, full 180 Life Turn."
Tim snatched the paper and read it, his eyes widening like saucers. “No way.”
“Way,” I confirmed. “That’s why she knows everything about classic rock and beer brands. She’s basically a walking, talking man’s brain in a... well, you know, her.”
Tim's response was to burst into uncontrollable laughter, drawing the attention of our parents who entered the living room, perplexed. Mom, still in her apron from making eternal Friday pizzas, looked between us with that half-smile she always wore when she had no idea what was going on but felt it was mildly amusing.
“What’s so funny, boys?” she asked.
Tim, wiping tears from his eyes, thrust the old report towards her. “Mom... Dave… pizza.”
Mom’s eyes flickered in recognition as she gently took the paper and sat on the arm of the couch. Dad joined her, an eyebrow arched, his curiosity piqued.
“Guess the cat’s out of the bag,” Mom said with a sigh of relief. “Or should I say, the Dave’s out of the vat?”
Dad chuckled at Mom's pun. "Oh, the stories we could tell," he mused.
“Seriously?” Tim said between laughs. “You were a dude?”
Mom looked fondly at Dad. "Your father always claimed I was the best man he ever knew," she said, “even when I was wearing a skirt.”
Dad nodded, grinning like a Cheshire cat. "And, I must say, you turn out to be the best woman, too. I get the best of both worlds!"
Tim, still unable to completely grasp the situation, asked, “So you were once Dave, and now you're just… Mom?”
“Yes, I used to be pure, unfiltered Dave. 6 feet of Pittsburgh Steelers-obsessed manliness.”
“Wow. Did it zap your brain too?” Tim asked, clearly not over the initial shock yet.
“It zapped some preferences,” Mom admitted, her hands on her now curvaceous hips. “But I gained so much. And life became more exciting with the love story that followed," she said, giving Dad a peck on the cheek. "And then, you two came along and made it even better."
Tim and I exchanged glances, then turned back to Mom and Dad. We tried to wrap our heads around it and failed, but in the funniest, heartwarming way.
"So," I said, trying to lighten the mood, "can we still call you Dave when you kill it at pub quizzes?"
Mom grinned, an amused twinkle in her eyes. “Only if you want me to destroy you at ‘80s rock lyrics.”
Dad laughed. “Believe me, she will.”
And just like that, on a Friday night with pizza in hand, the already wacky complexion of our family got that much more colorful. Normal had never been our style anyway.
This story was generated by user zach3 with assistance by one of OpenAI’s large-scale language-generation model; prompts used to help generate the story are shown below.
Images were generated with OpenAI's AI system, DALL·E 2, or uploaded by the user.
AI Prompts
Prompt: Write a story with dialogue where We thought our family was as normal as they came, A loving mom and tough but kind dad and two sons. Well, me and my brother thought everything was normal until we found out about a crazy family secret. Mom used to be man, and many of you may be thinking oh she got transition surgery what's the big deal. Well, let me tell you it didn't happen like that at all. My mother in all of her beautiful redheaded glory with her well-developed chest and well-defined curves used to be used to be a man named Dave. Dave used to be a scientist at NUGEN labs which was a company working on many different gender changing products. Dave was the lead scientist on the product called Gen spray it was a spray bottle that was supposed to change your gender in minutes. While they were testing it, Dave fell into the vat of chemicals. Dave normally a pretty regular 6'0-foot 200-pound man began to shrink down to 5'4 and 120 pounds and his hips flared out to be wide and curvy and he grew large and busty boobs. After his team found him they ran tests on him. They found that everything was fine he still could move fine and had the same thoughts, however he was now attracted to men, and that's when he fell in love with his friend and fellow scientist Paul who is our dad. The first few days he flirted with him wearing low cut tops and winking at him. After a couple of years, they started a family. I guess we all wondered why mom loved a nice craft beer every once in awhile and how she knew so much about dad rock and Pittsburgh Steelers stats and history. It turns out our beautiful MILF mom used to be a man. When she found out we knew about her past she sighed but felt relieved. Dave has defiantly been the best mom ever.
Response: "You know, Tim, for a Friday night, this pizza tastes especially existential," I said, taking another bite and eyeballing the TV as it flickered through ESPN and soap operas. Tim choked on his soda, coughing and laughing at the same time. "Existential pizza? You've lost it, Mike." "It's Mom," I said succinctly, setting my slice down and staring at Tim with all the gravitas a 16-year-old boy could muster in a house that smelled of pepperoni and feet. "Mom's pizza? Still confusing," Tim replied, wiping soda off his chin. "What's up with Mom?" "You remember how you mentioned the other day that Mom's knowledge of Pittsburgh Steelers trivia is borderline encyclopedic?" "Yeah?" "And how she can outbelch Dad any day of the week?" Tim nodded, still chewing. "I found something out," I announced, feeling the weight of the world turning our living room into a melodramatic soap opera scene. Tim slapped my arm, half-annoyed but fully curious. "Spill it, Sherlock!" "Mom," I said, leaning forward for effect, "used to be a guy. A scientist guy named Dave." Tim's jaw dropped, a pepperoni falling out of his mouth in stunned disbelief. "You're messing with me." "I wish. I found this old lab report in the attic from NUGEN Labs," I explained, retrieving the weathered document from my pocket. "It’s all true. Mom, or Dave rather, was working on a gender-changing spray. Fell into a vat of the stuff and… boom, full 180 Life Turn." Tim snatched the paper and read it, his eyes widening like saucers. “No way.” “Way,” I confirmed. “That’s why she knows everything about classic rock and beer brands. She’s basically a walking, talking man’s brain in a... well, you know, her.” Tim's response was to burst into uncontrollable laughter, drawing the attention of our parents who entered the living room, perplexed. Mom, still in her apron from making eternal Friday pizzas, looked between us with that half-smile she always wore when she had no idea what was going on but felt it was mildly amusing. “What’s so funny, boys?” she asked. Tim, wiping tears from his eyes, thrust the old report towards her. “Mom... Dave… pizza.” Mom’s eyes flickered in recognition as she gently took the paper and sat on the arm of the couch. Dad joined her, an eyebrow arched, his curiosity piqued. “Guess the cat’s out of the bag,” Mom said with a sigh of relief. “Or should I say, the Dave’s out of the vat?” Dad chuckled at Mom's pun. "Oh, the stories we could tell," he mused. “Seriously?” Tim said between laughs. “You were a dude?” Mom looked fondly at Dad. "Your father always claimed I was the best man he ever knew," she said, “even when I was wearing a skirt.” Dad nodded, grinning like a Cheshire cat. "And, I must say, you turn out to be the best woman, too. I get the best of both worlds!" Tim, still unable to completely grasp the situation, asked, “So you were once Dave, and now you're just… Mom?” “Yes, I used to be pure, unfiltered Dave. 6 feet of Pittsburgh Steelers-obsessed manliness.” “Wow. Did it zap your brain too?” Tim asked, clearly not over the initial shock yet. “It zapped some preferences,” Mom admitted, her hands on her now curvaceous hips. “But I gained so much. And life became more exciting with the love story that followed," she said, giving Dad a peck on the cheek. "And then, you two came along and made it even better." Tim and I exchanged glances, then turned back to Mom and Dad. We tried to wrap our heads around it and failed, but in the funniest, heartwarming way. "So," I said, trying to lighten the mood, "can we still call you Dave when you kill it at pub quizzes?" Mom grinned, an amused twinkle in her eyes. “Only if you want me to destroy you at ‘80s rock lyrics.” Dad laughed. “Believe me, she will.” And just like that, on a Friday night with pizza in hand, the already wacky complexion of our family got that much more colorful. Normal had never been our style anyway.
Post your own comment: