**Peek-a-Booty: The Unlikely Adventures of Jake, a Hero with Unwanted Assets**

### The Red-Haired Hero Nobody Expected

"*Dude, have you seen the news?*" Mike exclaimed as he burst into my living room, holding up his phone with the screen still lit up. "*Saves another day! Red-haired heroine...'"*

"*Ugh, not again,*" I muttered, snatching a pretzel from the bowl on the coffee table. I had just reclaimed my couch after another exhausting day of heroism, and the last thing I wanted to hear about was my alter-ego.

Mike plopped down next to me, his eyes twinkling with excitement. "*Seriously, man. It's all over social media. They're calling her 'Scarlett Savior' now.*"

"*Scarlett Savior?* That's the best they could come up with?*" I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. "*I'm out there saving busloads of people, and they can't stop talking about my—*"

"*Killer ass, dude,*" Mike interrupted, laughing. "*It's like you have a magical peach emoji dispenser down there.*"

"*This isn’t funny. I’m a guy, Mike. A guy!*" I pointed at my chest, then downward, raising an eyebrow despite myself. "*And look at me! Ordinary brown hair. Average ass!*"

Mike chuckled, taking a pretzel for himself. "*Hey, I give credit where credit is due. Scarlett has an unrealistic, gravity-defying posterior. You should be proud.*"

"*I can't even look in the mirror when I transform. That suit—*"

"*—really brings out your curves,*" Mike finished for me. "*I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: green and yellow? Brilliant choice. Accentuates your... assets.*"

I groaned, collapsing back onto the sofa. "*I had to save Mrs. Henderson's cat from a tree yesterday. Do you know what she said?*"

Mike leaned in, eyes wide, expecting a revelation. "*What did she say?*"

I rolled my eyes. "*'Thank you, young lady! You must be blessed with a diet of peaches.'* Then she offered me a can of cat food as a reward.*"

Mike almost choked on his pretzel, laughing so hard he doubled over. "*No way! I wish I was there! That's legendary.*"

"*Legendary? More like humiliating,*" I sighed again, staring at the ceiling. "*The superpowers are great, don't get me wrong. Telekinesis, super strength, the whole package. But why does the universe have such a twisted sense of humor that my alter-ego is a redheaded bombshell with a—*"

"*—with a dump truck ass,*" Mike finished, still chuckling. "*Face it, man. If you got it, flaunt it.*"

"*But it’s not me! It's like I'm living a double life, one where I'm ogled and objectified.*"

Mike patted my back sympathetically but couldn’t hide the amusement in his eyes. "*Look, Jake, maybe it's not all bad. At least you have a unique calling card. And hey, if you ever want to break the news to anyone, I'll be right here, supporting you and your... glorious, heroic derriere.*"

I threw a pillow at him, catching him squarely in the face. "*Glad to know my best friend has my back. Literally.*"

"*That's what friends are for! So, what's on the agenda tomorrow for the Scarlett Savior? Another rescue mission? Maybe stop a bank robbery? Possibly a peach-picking festival?*"

"*You're insufferable,*" I muttered, but I couldn't help the grudging smile forming on my lips. "*But probably all of the above. And hopefully, no more peach comments. Seriously.*"

"*I wouldn't count on that, buddy. But hey, just think of the stories we'll tell our grandkids.*"

I laughed, for the first time feeling a bit lighter about my entire predicament. "*Well, can't say it's boring. Now, pass me another pretzel.*"

And just like that, despite the unwanted attention and the absurdity of it all, I found a little comfort in knowing that my best friend was always there with me, replete with his endless supply of peach jokes. Guess some superpowers came in unexpected packages.

This story was generated by user zach3 with assistance by one of OpenAI’s large-scale language-generation model; prompts used to help generate the story are shown below.

Images were generated with OpenAI's AI system, DALL·E 2, or uploaded by the user.

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