"My MILF-y Roommate"

Title: "My MILF-y Roommate"

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"DUDE, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS!" My buddy Jeff’s voice boomed from our apartment bathroom. I had just walked in from my afternoon economics class, which was, for once, not putting me to sleep. Jeff had spent most of the morning complaining about a weird rash, so I figured he'd finally manned up and looked at it in the mirror.

"Jeff, bro, what's up?" I asked, casually dropping my backpack on the couch.

“You have to see this!” There was a mix of panic and... excitement in his voice.

I rolled my eyes, figuring he had finally grown a gnarly third nipple or something. I swung the door open and was immediately met with the sight of a curvy, redheaded woman examining herself in our bathroom mirror. She was gorgeous, like magazine-cover stunning. And she had... yeah, those were definitely what Jeff used to call "real mommy milkers."

“Jeff?” I squeaked, my voice doing an embarrassing crack at the end. My eyes zipped to the horrendous tuft of hair he always sported. Nope, gone.

“Yeah, man, it's me,” he sighed, his new, sultry feminine voice reverberating in my brain like a siren’s call. “I got... the MILF virus.”

"The what? Oh dude, no. Isn’t that just a stupid meme from the internet?”

“Apparently not,” he said, examining his hourglass figure. “One minute, I'm just me, scratching at this rash. The next, BOOM. I got hips that don’t quit and a rack people could get lost in.”

I was speechless, my eyes flitting back and forth from his new assets to his incredulous face. I was pretty sure he'd blow up our ‘Eyebleach’ subreddit with just his selfies.

“Dear God,” I muttered, shaking my head. “You look like you should be driving a minivan full of kids to soccer practice.”

“Trust me, I know!” Jeff exclaimed, dramatically pinching his—her?—bridge-thin waist. “I mean, I'm a freaking snack now! Look at this butt!”

And he—I mean she—started examining her backside in the mirror, earning an impressive booty pop. I shook my head, trying to keep my thoughts PG. I failed spectacularly.

“Well, Jeff,” I began, rubbing my temple. “What now?”

Jeff blinked at me, then let out a laugh that quickly turned into a snort. At least that hadn't changed. “Well, I guess I should start taking some new selfies, huh? Maybe one with a motivational quote: ‘Life hits hard. Grow boobs and hit back harder.’”

I couldn’t help but snicker. “Hey, you can finally beat those influencer chicks at their own game. Hashtag MILF life.”

“Bro,” he said, wrapping his now dainty arms around his chest, adjusting the girls to sit comfortably. “Do you think I could, like, charge for feet pics?”

I groaned, shaking my head. “Please, Jeff. Let's not make this worse.”

His eyes sparkled with mischief. “Oh, come on. If you got it, flaunt it, right? You know how many guys used to chase after girls who looked like... well, like me now?”

“Yeah, including you! How does it feel to be a living, breathing contradiction?”

“Strangely empowering,” Jeff admitted, clutching one of his new curls. “Also, I kinda miss peeing standing up. Just realized how much I took that for granted.”

I rubbed my hands over my face. “Okay, so, you're planning to live like this? Just... like a full-blown MILF?”

“What choice do I have?” Jeff sighed, examining his reflection again. “At least I can still room with you, right?”

I snorted. “Of course. Wouldn't miss this for the world. Plus, might be handy getting into those elitist frat parties now. Just say you're someone's hot mom picking them up from the party or something.”

Jeff laughed, the sound like a wind chime on a breezy day. “Hey, there’s an idea.”

“Alright,” I said, pulling out my phone. “Let’s get you a new Instagram handle. How about @MammaJeff?”

Jeff’s eyes sparkled. “I was thinking more along the lines of @MILFJeff.”

I grinned as I started typing into his phone. “MILFJeff it is.”

The days that followed were nothing short of ridiculous. Jeff, now the hottest roommate in town, learned to balance humor with adjusting to his new reality. He drew quite the social media following and even received a few sponsorship offers.

Amidst all the insanity, one thing remained constant: Jeff’s goofy personality. And honestly, our apartment had never been more fun. Because, well, if life hands your buddy a MILF virus, you grab some popcorn and enjoy the show.

This story was generated by user zach3 with assistance by one of OpenAI’s large-scale language-generation model; prompts used to help generate the story are shown below.

Images were generated with OpenAI's AI system, DALL·E 2, or uploaded by the user.

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